Around 8 months ago a friend of mine, the Gent, joined an online dating service. He went on a few dates here, a few dates there. If he'd really wanted to I'm sure he could have shagged a different girl every weekend but that wasn't his game.I discussed his progress with him pretty regularly as the whole idea was a bit taboo to me. I thought internet dating sounded like the last refuge of the desperate, but he lent the whole process an air of dignity that I had not hitherto associated with it.
Like a sheep I decided to jump on board. What, really, was there to lose? Okay, maybe a little self-respect when I admitted to myself that finding a girl through more conventional methods was a little difficult. But I already knew that. And at least I was doing something constructive about it.
I went on a couple of dates. The first, a little uninteresting. The second, the girl sounded like a legend online and so I mind-spasmed when I met her... yah... it wasn't pretty. Oh well. Then I crippled myself about 5 months ago and decided I didn't want to meet anyone while I was moving around like an old man. So I turned off my profile.
...
I never said it was going to be an interesting story.
...
I did learn a few interesting things though.
The online dating game has a whole subset of language associated with it, much like the real estate game, everyone is trying to sell themselves, be quirky, be edgy, be cool. Be completely fucking generic! It's painful to read some of this stuff. Like "I am a compassionate, open-minded person who likes hanging out with friends and having a good time"... what does that mean exactly? How is that helpful in differentiating you from, hmm say, every other 20-something on the planet? I despair at how completely and utterly unimaginative people can be when talking about themselves.
And yes, I understand that it's just a stupid tiny little insignificant blurb on the gigantic network of daily interactions, emotions and woven grace that is a human life. I get the fact that people don't want to give too much away, scare off the customers by pointing out the dents, leave some mystery to be explored later. But you have to give something. I don't care how smokin' hot you are, a picture of yourself and a list of music you like1 will not generate more than passing interest at a reasonable glam shot2 and disappointment at how boring you are.
The whole point of using an online service is that you can interact with others virtually anonymously. So everyone can see a photo of you and a user name... so what? The chances you'll randomly run into or even recognise each other on the street are infinitesimal! And unless you choose otherwise, someone you contact may only ever learn your first name. The problem is that many users don't seem to realise that this anonymity exists or the wonderful gift it grants them. And that is the ability to be totally, ruthlessly honest about themselves.
Lets say you're a little crazy (and if you're reading this I'd say it's a safe bet) but you edit this out of your profile, 'everyone does it' you tell yourself. And you are correct. This is the path to true facelessness. You are exactly the same as everyone else. Or at least you appear to be. And the world is a poorer place for it. Self-censorship and conformity are the enemies of originality and distinctiveness, and they're winning the fight on this battlefield.
The character Dash, from the animated movie The Incredibles, when told that "everyone is special" replied with the rather astute observation "that's the same as saying no one is." And he's right. I hadn't considered the possibility that people aren't censoring themselves... maybe 80% of people are just boring as hell. How depressing. I'm sticking to the original theory because it's more optimistic.
I say 80% because there are a few troopers out there who truly throw caution to the sharks and really unleash the inner ninja-penguin. These people make me smile. To you, brave souls I throw out a big "I salute you!"
1 interestingly, no-one in the world will admit to liking country or metal
2 Unless the pic is shown here
2 comments:
I have more to add to your sound argument on the lack of creativity faced by the intellectually challenged users of internet dating services.
When trying to sell oneself I wouldn't advise using abbreviations such as 1self, urself, or the more common ppl. They are only used by the lazy or illiterate and I would preferably date neither.
Another issue is the choices in title. Anyone with the words "little" or "miss" sound childish and do not therefore deserve attention. No one wants to date anyone feeling like a pedophile - least anyone with a moral compass.
My final argument, a reiteration of yours, is the lack of authorship through censorship. I don't give a flip what your friends say about you, my mum thinks I'm pretty cool but I'm not about to write that on a profile. It's not telling anyone anything about who you think you are. Our generation is one of efficiency so fuck mysticism and let's be brutally honest.
I do believe that anonymous guy gets around.
After researching the market, I've decided I won't buy into it. As a long term investment I can't see any gain in contributing to the already declining standards that is the Australian dating scene.
Also some more points to add to this corner of cyber space.
If they're not good with a camera they should find someone who is. No matter how well written the profile is the photo has to show on some level that the individual has considered their own self representation. Dancing with beer bottle in tow is not a good look for any woman.
Punctuation and proof reading, followed by more proof reading is a must. This is Primary knowledge (..the school). Everyone unless they're using artistic expression by making words or using borrowed words should put in the effort otherwise they come across as lazy illiterates.
You were right in saying that the quantity of quality is thin pickings. I'm not even only speaking of women's profiles either. I have read hundreds of profiles and as you said they begin to blend together.
For some reason every girl on there enjoys travelling. Unfortunately they didn't specify why or where, so I must assume they're off into the kitchen to drink some milk whilst laughing at the toaster.
Benny, this game is too hard. Best leave it to those with fewer standards.
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