An Open Letter to LittleFoot

Hi LittleFoot,

I've been meaning to write this for a few months now and am sorry its taken me this long. You're in a dark place at the moment and I should have done more to throw you a torch, and for that I'm sorry. I'm stuck in the middle of this but as you pointed out, that might also be the best position to comment. We talked the other night and I think it helped, but if you need reminding I'll try to set out my thoughts here. Remember that a lot of this is based on guess-work, you were the one who was actually there.

Okay, point number one: it happened. It wouldn't have happened unless there were reasons. Whether either or both of you want to talk about those reasons after the fact is up to the individual. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it? Even if he does, then you need to remember that you cannot just talk it out. This isn't something that can be fixed with words alone. Questions about where things went wrong, talking over fond memories, expressions of love- none of these will magically make things better. They might even make things worse as you could seem to be pining.

You need to stop looking for hidden meaning behind actions. Everything is just one thing happening after another. Everything we do is a spur of the moment decision. If he wanted to see you or got you a nice gift- there was no agenda- these happened because he wants you to be happy. And he does want you to be happy. But he can't make you happy and so every time you see him it will just keep making you sad. This is why I think it's a good idea not to see him for a while.

Remember that a decision left too long is made for you. If he can't give you an answer then you cannot wait around until one appears. You need to get on with it. You are both seeing other people now. If things fall back into place one day then all to the good but it won't happen if you argue every time you see one another. And also, please avoid comparing yourself to people he sees- it's a completely pointless exercise- you know this.

It was a very long relationship but if you didn't fit together after that amount of time then you need to realise that means you possibly never will. And by 'fit together' I'm not just talking about the good times, you also need to remember the other stuff. The things you didn't like will always be there too.

I know you're hurting right now but it will get better. I'm sounding like a broken record here but all it takes (and all you can give it) is distance and time.

Remember that we're thinking of you and if you need to talk to someone then we're a call away.

Love,
Your friends