No Witnesses

The story itself is shrouded in the mists of time and so complicated that historians had to separate it into different sections to make any sense of the seemingly meaningless events. They believed that many different stories were happening at the same time and so recorded these accordingly. They were wrong of course but the records are missing before a point just after most of the action had occurred. This is attributed to the fire that destroyed the King's palace when the city turned on him for allegedly poisoning Snow White. The fates of the players that are known for certain are recorded below:

The Witch and Rumples (as Rumpelstiltskin was affectionately called) started up their very own family business, a drug cartel which created and dominated the market with their highly controversial drug, "Magic Apples". Very popular among middle-aged women, the user would fall into a deep sleep until Mr. Right came along to wake her. Because magic is completely undetectable by conventional methods, tracing the drug proved impossible for the authorities and so all items produced were shipped and sold. Rival crews soon lost interest in competing with the Witch and Rumples duo. In hindsight, they decided, they really did want their children more than money.

The couple really hit the jackpot, though, when the Witch cast a new strain that was lethal. "Magic Apples" doubled its consumer base overnight for they had finally found a way to sell into the largest age group of the drug market. Young people. Because if there wasn't a reasonable chance that it would kill you, they weren't interested.

Reputedly, if the drug was taken in exactly the right dose you were taken to the brink of death, "the whole bright light thing and St Peter saying 'What the fuck are you doing here?'", before you were sent back to your body to spend the next two months recovering in hospital. The resulting high from a near death experience was alleged to last the rest of your natural life. Needless to say, all other illegal drugs soon became obsolete and 'Magic Apples' were eventually used under prescription by depression sufferers.

The Witch and Rumples raised Snow White's child as their own and he grew to be a shrewd businessman who never took a drug in his life. He met a nice, if lazy, girl by the name of S. Beauty and they started the 'Big Misunderstood Wolf' demolition company with some money from the cartel. However, the ruthlessness of the drug industry was never quite left behind and police received reports of several squatter families going missing, including the (unfortunately named) brothers Pig and the entire Riding-Hood clan. No charges were pressed but the demolition company was under strict surveillance for the next few years.

Events did not run nearly so smoothly for the royal family. When the Prince discovered Snow White and his father, the King, experimenting with a crossbreed of positions sixty-eight and seventy from the Karma Sutra he slipped silently away to plan his revenge.

After a lengthy meeting and discussion with absolutely no-one the Prince decided to stab Snow White. Only this violent act could quench the fires raging in his spurned soul. Yet he needed a way to do it in secret, she was too famous do just vanish quietly, and those seven midgets kept visiting. The Prince talked himself hoarse (to his pet skull affectionately named 'Wilson') and planned the perfect crime. He could kill her easily if she were already dead! That night he visited an apothecary and in the morning Snow White woke to find a basket of apples waiting for her (incidentally, believed to we Witch&Rumples 'Form of death' mark 2's). Thinking the joke was in rather poor taste she took a bite only to fall into another death-like sleep.

On the evening of her funeral, the Prince crept into the crypt and revived her. He drew the knife, trembling with anticipation, to her sobbing last request "... a final kiss for lost love, please, I beg you". "Why not?" thought the Prince "I'll snatch her life away just when she thinks she can seduce me, crush her hope, crush her soul! What better vengeance?"*. He leaned down to kiss her one last time and jerked back after only a moment with a strange taste in his mouth. "What's that my love, you leave no poison for me?" Snow White cackled, "I take the antidote every night". With moments left to live, the Prince's final thought 'Screw the bitch' rushed across his mind as his knife rushed though her heart and he collapsed. Shocked, Snow White gripped the blade as if to draw it out before muttering her eloquent last words "You bastard", then she too toppled over.

It is interesting to note that later, when the media arrived, they vastly misinterpreted events.

*This information is conjecture and was assembled through examination of the surveillance tapes.